Post submitting PhD thesis

Two nights ago, my entry into sleep was filled with panic and fear. I had become so sedentary in my life throughout and post my PhD that I was gaining weight, feeling tired all the time, my breathing was labored and I had no energy to do anything but sit at my computer and ‘play’ with my eyes glued to a screen. What was I doing with my life? Where was my purpose? I am in a time zone where I have completed and submitted my doctoral thesis, awaiting the results and I have work lined up for next semester as a sessional at my local university. Life could not be better; but why was I feeling so anxious about who I am and what I was doing?

The following day, while sharing a coffee with my neighbor, I made the comment that we were getting up late these days. His reply was that it was natural given that it was the holidays. Over the day, I began to realise that maybe I was not in such a bad place because it was that week between Christmas and New Year where many institutions have shut down.

Last night I took some time to contemplate my fears and anxieties and turned to my cards. I drew the card: ‘Soaring into Joy’: Childlike wonder fills my life.

Celebrating my life joyfully, playing with joy just as a child can is what I need to do at the moment. Berating myself only enhances my fears and anxieties. Throughout last night I dreamed of joy; this morning I woke up singing: ‘I’ve got that joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart – where? Down in my heart…’and I have decided that each and every thing I do today, I will think of joy and allow that to come into my life.

Submitting my PhD was one of the greatest achievements in my life and the ‘waiting-game’ for results and graduation is hard because I have often felt directionless. The reality is I have everything I could possibly want in my life and it is time to celebrate the joy of what I have achieved, the joy of who I have in my life and the joy of who I am.

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1 Comment

  1. Wooohoooo!!!! You are just stepping out into the world of Joy, can be very unfamiliar, and you may want to step back into the familiarity of “safety” but you are ready to soar and I am so blessed to be witness to your ongoing transformations….ride like the wind!!!

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